can’t do this anymore.

i still love you, i do. and i have no where else to pour this on but almost anonymously here.

i know i say i hate you. and i do it infront of my friends, all the time.
truth is, you were the only one that could listen to me during every free period in school about my rants. and i wish i paid more attention to your feelings because i guess that’s the reason why you’re drifting away.

as soon as the new transferred kids came to school, our class even…and as soon as your clique drifted away from the ones i hang out with…it’s like i don’t even know you anymore. that’s the part i hate. everytime i come and sit next to you, all you say while talking to the new kid is “could you give us a couple of minutes, there’s something really private going on here…”
when the f*!king hell did things get too private for us?!!
we talked about masturbation for god’s sake.

and then you didn’t even bother asking me if things were allright. it’s not like i want you to, it’s just that you always did it. once you stop a certain familiarity, i have to wonder what’s wrong with the way things are now. what happened to the way things used to be?

if things stayed the way they were, even if it didn’t develop into anything more, i’d have gone with it. but now, i just don’t even wanna figure why i wasted my nights pouring on microsoft office, typing and typing about how your scent and warmth drove me crazy. it still drives me crazy.

S: you love her! *big smiles*
R: i don’t know!
S: i don’t know how to be sure either but i have a really good feeling about this.
R: she’s the first thing i think about in the morning.
S: then you LOVE HER! :D

and then it hurt.

S: *gasps* you shaved.
R: why is that the only reaction people are giving me towards this?. D shaved too.
S: you look nicer. more clearer this way.
R: i know, right?
S: *smiles*